FREEBOOKAPALOOZA!

Posted on November 2, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hey Nutters,

Just a quick note to say that Josh and me are giving away five free double-signed copies of Warpworld on Goodreads. The contest is open to everyone, everywhere, (even residents of Lichtenstein), and all you have to do is sign up on Goodreads.

We do not choose the winners, we simply supply the books, but please feel free to bribe me with hot chocolate, cupcakes, or martinis.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Warpworld by Kristene Perron

Warpworld

by Kristene Perron

Giveaway ends December 02, 2012.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Good luck!

The Princess

Posted in Uncategorized, Warpworld | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Beveragism…the silent killer*

Posted on October 30, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello again from Home!

Today I have a serious issue to discuss, Nutters. Neither Obama nor Romney have raised this issue during the presidential debate, Canada has not launched a formal inquiry (to look into the previous formal inquiry) about the issue, and Bono has not held a massive fundraising concert to raise awareness of the issue, but it’s only a matter of time. I am talking, of course, about ‘beveragism’.

I live in a coffee town.

Nelson’s ‘real’ watershed

Turn your head and spit, and you will hit an independent coffee shop here in Nelson. There are, in fact, so many coffee shops that they are easily classified by their clientelle. In Oso Negro, you’re bound to find at least one set of dredlocks and one customer wearing snowboarding pants and boots (in July), any time of the day. Despite the facelift, Jigsaw continues to attract the showerly-challenged, while Sidewinders could be voted “most likely to have the only guy wearing a suit in Nelson as  a customer”. The Java Hut, located in Nelson’s one mall, (and I use the term ‘mall’ loosely, having been to Edmonton), is a natural magnet for the over-80 crowd.  And the list goes on.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, Nelsonites love their coffee.

And if you don’t love coffee? If you actually detest coffee and would rather pluck out your own eyeballs with a toothpick than drink coffee?

Well, some of these bean indoctrination centers do have some good tea. But, honestly, tea? I can buy my own good tea and I have completed the four year Tea Makers Training Course, wherein you learn to pour boiling water into a pot and wait a few minutes before removing the tea and drinking.

No, when I go out to enjoy a beverage, when I plunk down my hard-earned four dollars for a little taste of heaven in a cup, I want…hot chocolate.

You would think in a city that has all but declared the hours between 10am and 3pm “Official Coffee Break” time, there would be some room for that other bean, the cocoa bean. But no. Nelson coffee shops pay about as much attention to the quality and selection of their hot chocolate as the average Canadian pays to a live parliamentary session on C-Span.

The aforementioned Oso Negro, the Vatican City of coffee shops, is the worst offender. I’m pretty sure their hot chocolate is just heated, no-name brand chocolate milk or Nestle Quick.

For the unenlightened, (and apparently that consists of 98% of Nelson’s population), there are two words in hot chocolate. The first is “hot”, meaning the beverage should be served above room temperature. The second and most important word is “chocolate”. Not “milk”, not “sugar”, but chocolate. A hot chocolate should not taste like a glass of warm milk that somebody accidentally dropped a Hershey’s chocolate bar into for five seconds, it should taste like an Aztec god has cast a spell on your tongue, it should taste like Willy Wonka’s sweat, it should taste like something Darth Vader would drink when he was in an exceptionally good mood after having successfully long-distance strangled four people in one day. Hot chocolate should be dark, sinful, with just enough sweetness to lure you back again, and again, and again, and…

But I digress.

In Nelson, if you have at least one friend or acquaintance, there is a high statistical probability that you will be invited out for coffee at least once per week. For coffee. Perhaps for tea. But never, not in all my many 3 + 1 years in this city have I been invited out for my drink. For hot chocolate. And even if I were, where would we go? The only good hot chocolate in this town is at the Starbucks in Safeway.  The cult of coffee reins supreme and we, the minority, the lowly cocoa-loving minority, must tag along and smile and pretend to enjoy our warm, sugary, vaguely chocolate flavoured milk.

This is beveragism, my friends, and it’s ugly.

I know you’re asking, “But Princess, what can I do to stop the prejudice and the inequality?” Good question, person I have made up in my imagination! I would suggest an email campaign, perhaps something on Facebook that you can send to all your friends and ask them to share (something with a picture of cocoa beans, an angel or puppies, and promises of good luck that increases exponentially with every person who re-shares it), a plastic bracelet that says “Cocoastrong”, a coffee boycott, a phone call to Bono? Any of those things, or all, (preferably all), would be sufficient.

If you love hot chocolate, share this chocolate lab with every single person you know and you will have 12 good things happen to you today! Honest!

Together, we can end beveragism. Together, we can make the world a more chocolatey place.

Brought to you by the Coalition Of People Who Live In Places Where There’s No Good Hot Chocolate Except At The Safeway Starbucks But Who Wants To Hang Out In Safeway Get Real Are You Freaking Kidding Me.

 *The subtitle of this post is a metaphor and is in no way meant to suck anyone into reading this post through misleading and/or inflammatory language. But if it does, the author is OK with that.

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy, & lovin’ hot chocolate and life!

The Princess

Posted in Humour and satire | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Genius, Power, Magic…and Warpworld

Posted on October 22, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello from the Home of a Published Author!

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it! Boldness  has genius, power and magic in it.

The words belong to Goethe but they sit at the top of the Peak Freaks website, a constant reminder to me, and all dreamers, that mountains can be climbed, no matter how high, if only we begin.

I’ve got a confession. As I write these words, I’m fighting very hard to hold back tears. I know this sounds corny but all I’ve ever wanted, with every cell in my body, is to write stories for people to read. My ultimate goal? My own personal  Mt.Everest? A book. A book with my words in it and my name on the cover.  At last, that book is out for everyone to read.  I’m standing on top of the world!

I’ll write other books (many, many books) but there will never be another one like this one—the first one—and I am ecstatic to share it with you.  I’m sure Josh,way  over there in Texas, feels the same with his circle of family and friends. That’s because no writer makes the journey alone.

This book is mine. It’s Josh’s. But it’s also yours.

Please take a moment to stand here on the summit with me and Josh, the rewards are well worth the climb!

And now the nitty gritty…

To have a look, read some preview chapters, or purchase Warpworld, go to our website:

 www.warpworld.ca

Now Available!

If you really want to help out us starving artists, please send this link to anyone you know who might enjoy a good adventure science fiction novel, or to, well, anyone you know. Those on Twitter, Facebook or other social media, a little blurb about the book and a link to the website would not go amiss. And for the hardcore among you, a review on Amazon, once you’ve read WARPWORLD, would earn you 50 bonus points and one of Prez’s famous sushi dinners! (I haven’t told Prez about that part yet, I’ll bring it up after I give him long foot massage).

If you’re purchasing through Amazon, outside of the US, sorry to say but it will be a bit of a spell before it’s available on the .ca, .uk, or .eu Amazon sites. I will post a blurb on the Chronicles when it is. You can still purchase through Amazon.com, but there will be no free shipping option, for print books, for Canucks and Euros.

We’re also going to have some “double-signed” copies available soon, which we will sell through the website. We just have to wait for B.C.’s dogsled mail delivery team to connect with Texas’s burro postal system, and vice versa.

Both Josh and I will be doing readings and signings in our respective geographical book hotspots – dates, locations and times TBA. Mom, are you still planning a proxy reading on the island? 🙂

And so it’s time to come back to base camp and start working on the next dream.  Hey, there are more mountains waiting for me, right? As Hervey Voge once said, “The mountains will always be there, the trick is to make sure you are too.”

Well…

Maybe I’ll just stay up here for a few more minutes.

Welcome to the top of the world!

 Until next time, I hope this find you healthy, happy, reading, and lovin’ life!

The Published Princess

Posted in Entertainment, Indie publishing, On Scribbling, Warpworld | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Workin’ 9 to 5…or 6 to 10

Posted on September 26, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello from a Swingin’ Swanky Pad!

Don’t let that salutation fool you, Prez and me have not jetted off to some exotic island, nor have we won the lottery. Thanks to a tennis buddy, we lined up an out-of-town job in Kelowna and scored his luxury hilltop home as a place to hang our hard hats during our stay. (Thanks, Brian!).

Work. This is what has been on my mind lately, mostly because I’ve been doing a lot of it. Remember that long ago post wherein I bemoaned the boredom of my hiatus? The pendulum has now swung completely the other way.

The Kootenay Literary Competition has launched and I, as chair of the organizing committee, now have to pay the piper for all those grandiose plans I conceived back in the hiatus days.  The piper, as it turns out, does not take credit or offer a layaway plan.

Joining the piper is that fickle bastard, Fate, who decided to thrust the decision to indie publish my and Josh’s novel upon me at exactly the same time my literary competition to-do list was nearing triple digits. So, I am chairing a non-profit organization, running a large annual event, learning to publish, coordinating cover and print designers, and marketing a novel, all at the same time.

But that just seemed too easy.

Enter, “real” work.  The problem with being really good at what you do and charging reasonable rates for your work is that people tell other people about you and then those people want to hire you.  And if one of those people has a big renovation job that will make you enough money to buy much-needed winter tires, with enough left over to fund your wife’s indie-publishing venture and pay all your bills for a few months, but it’s too big a job for one person? Strap on your tool belt Hemingway, it’s time to support your writing habit.

My days, until at least Oct.4th if not longer, begin at 6am and go full throttle until at least 10pm. Somewhere in these fourteen hour work days, I manage to eat and breathe, and sneak in a Coconut Chronicle on my lunch break, (See also: masochist, Don’t forget I am a).

Yes, I am exhausted but I am also invigorated, if that makes sense.

First, “real” work reminds me of just how much I love my other job and reconfirms the career path that sometimes seems crazier than Charlie Sheen on a coke bender.

Second, each of the jobs I do are as rewarding as they are tiring. Construction work buys me writing time, eases financial stress, and gives me great fodder for future stories (I mentally steal huge chunks of dialogue every time I eavesdrop on fellow contractors).  Plus, sometimes there is smashing involved and I really, really love to smash things. Volunteering for the literary competition means I get to help inspire writers to create new work. And writing, well, I would probably pay for the privilege of spending time in my imaginary worlds.

Last of all, looking at the state of the world, I feel immensely lucky to have any work at all, let alone work that fulfills me on so many levels. Sure, laying tile may not be as meaningful as healing the sick or feeding the poor but it is creation, and knowing that what  Prez and I do will be enjoyed by our client for years ahead is just kind of darn cool. The older I get, the more I believe that life is mostly perception. You can complain about waking up to work every day, or you can be thankful to have to work, to have purpose, to have something to offer the world, no matter how large or small.

Making our client’s kitchen dreams come true!

Oh, and I almost forgot, sometimes work throws some extra unexpected rewards your way. Thanks to the location of this job, I was able to meet my half-sister April for the very first time.

My sister April and her daughters, Abigail and Kira

We were also in the neighbourhood to visit the newly-homed Miller family.

Prez hanging with the youngest Millers

Then, yesterday, we came back to the swingin’, swanky pad to find the proof of the novel had arrived.

Exhausted? Yes. Happy? Yes. Thankful? You bet.

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

Posted in Family & Children, Friends, Life at Work, On Scribbling, Warpworld | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Cover Uncovered!

Posted on August 28, 2012 by clubfredbaja

A special hello from Home!

I know this is soon but our book cover came back from the shop, all polished up and shiny, and I’m so excited I’m like a squirrel in a peanut butter factory! I just had to share this with everyone. Comments and feedback (good, bad or ugly) are very welcome (and appreciated).

Ladies and gentlemen, the Warpworld book cover…

Ebook cover for Amazon

Print book cover

Now only 876 more things left to do on the “to do” list and we’ll be ready to publish!

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess (squee!)

Posted in Indie publishing, On Scribbling, Warpworld | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

So You Want to BYOB? (Be Your Own Boss)

Posted on August 22, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello again from Home!

One day I want to be my own boss. For anyone who has been stuck in a lousy job, with a horrible boss, this seems like a dream. But, like all dreams, the reality seldom resembles the fantasy.

I’m not new to being my own boss. For those who are considering a life of BYOB, I can tell you that there are many rewards – set your own hours, work in your pajamas, short commute (if you work from home). There are, however, an equal amount of drawbacks. 40 hour work week? HA! Try 70 or more. Regular paycheque? Fuggetaboutit. Sick days? Not if you want to pay your rent. And if you think BYOB means never taking anyone’s crap ever again, let me assure you, your crap-taking days have just begun.

My BYOB life started when I quit my “real” job and became a professional stunt performer. The life of a stunt person sounds exciting and glamorous, and it was—sometimes—but it was also a lot of work. Back when Prez and I were still in the film biz, we were essentially self-employed. If we wanted to work and keep working, we had two big jobs to do:

1. Constantly improve: train, learn new skills, and get as good as we possibly could at our jobs.

2. Promote ourselves: scour the film list, call stunt coordinators, visit sets where stunts were being filmed.

The first job was usually fun. Who doesn’t like to work at getting better at what they love? The second job? Not so wonderful. It takes an odd combination of humility and confidence to sell yourself. This comes naturally to Prez, but I am an introvert by nature and the thought of self-promotion makes me cringe. I forced myself to make those calls, to simultaneously swallow my pride and boast about my skills.

This aggressive self-promotion was never fun, but it was necessary. And it worked. For BYOB’s there are no truer words than: “Out of sight, out of mind”.

What does all this mean to a writer, especially to an indie author? Everything. The methods may be different but the jobs remain the same – keep getting better at what you do and promote yourself.

Here’s where it gets tricky. How do you promote yourself? Where? How often? How agressively? At one end of the spectrum you have the indie author who puts his/her e-book out for sale and then waits for an audience of readers to magically appear. It’s fine to write about magic but relying on it sell your book is misguided at best, cuckoo-for-Cocopuffs at worst.

At the other end of the spectrum you have this guy…

Hey, I can totally see you reading this novel. Whaddaya say? She’s a beauty!

The stereotypical salesman. This is the author who is all about SELLING SELLING SELLING and their 50 marketing tweets per day proves it.

As I step into the Twitterverse and the realm of social media, I now have to decide where on the spectrum I want to be. Yes, I have to sell my book, wasn’t that the whole point of indie e-publishing? But I also want the book’s quality to speak for itself. I also don’t want to spend so much time marketing that I neglect my other important job – getting better at what I do.

Oh wait, there was a third job I had as a stunt person. This was a job that was so much fun it’s easy to forget it was a job at all.

3.      Make friends

If all I ever did was train and promote myself, there’s no way I could have been successful as a stunt perfomer. What helped my career more than anything was becoming part of the community. We trained together, we played together, we went out for dinners and drinks and laughs together. I didn’t like everyone in the business, and I know not everyone liked me, but I found a core group of people that I connected with. And those people gave me advice, shared their experience, and recommended me for jobs. This wasn’t some marketing strategy, this was just me being me.

It’s taken me a lot of years to recognize just how important those friendships were, both personally and professionally. People like Marny Eng, Ernest Jackson, Rick Pearce, Laura-Lee Connery, Heath Stevenson, Garvin Cross, Deb Macatumpag, Melissa Stubbs, Eric Bryson, Mike Mitchell, Alex “The Legend” Green, Tony Morelli, David Jacox and many, many more,  deserve a good portion of the credit for any success I had. (If any of my stunt pals are reading this…THANK YOU!)

Sure, I’ll do some shameless promotion of Warpworld. Like those phone calls I always dreaded back in the stunt days, it’s necessary. But I’m also going to be me. I’m going to express my gratitude for the friends I’ve made in this business and continue to seek out writers with whom I ‘click’. As my friend Big Wave Dave used to say, “Invest in friendship, the dividends are amazing!”.

To all aspiring BYOBers, this is my advice:

  • Love what you do. Only love will keep you motivated during those long, hard times when nothing is going your way.
  • Keep improving. Learn, practice, and perfect your skills.
  • Promote yourself or your product. Even if it feels weird, you need to put yourself out there.
  • Make friends and be yourself. To quote the line from It’s a Wonderful Life that always makes me weepy, “No man is a failure who has friends”.

Every time a tweet rings, an author gets her wings!

Yes, friends give you wings.

And now, I have to fly.

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

p.s. You can now find me on Twitter! @KristenePerron (See also: self-promotion, an example of shameless)

p.p.s  In the next Chronicle I will reveal the Warpworld book cover. So excited!

p.p.s. Just another reason I love the Kootenays…

Why yes, yes it is.

Posted in Indie publishing, On Scribbling, Warpworld | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Plan B From Outer Space!

Posted on August 10, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Written August 7, 2012

Hello  from the Georgia Strait!

Yep, I’m writing this Chronicle onboard  the Queen of Something ferry, enroute from Vancouver Island to the mainland. Our ferry system has come a long way from the days when the only entertainment was a few arcade games (see also: quarter, Dad can I have another),  and the overpriced gift shop. Oh, the gift shop is still overpriced but at least there are now nifty work stations and WiFi…for those of us who simply MUST stay connected.

It’s been a hectic few months since I penned the last Coconut Chronicle, dearest Nutters. My time is divided three ways between work on the Kootenay Literary Competition, work on the novel/series, and quality time with Prez. As usual, Prez ends up with the smallest piece of the pie but I do try to make sure he gets the piece with the most filling and extra ice cream.

I’ve had so many people asking about the status of the novel that I thought it was high time to post something publicly and spare myself the endless repetition. Let me spell this out in the sort of organized fashion my semi-OCD brain demands:

  • Our fancy NYC agency, operating under our local agency, sent the manuscript out to editors at all the science fiction imprints of all the big publishers. For those of you who don’t know, an “imprint” is like a “division”. For example, Harper Collins is the main publisher but they have a division, or imprint, called “Avon”, which publishes only romance novels. There are imprints for fantasy, science fiction, cook books, classics, and so on.
  • Some of the editors responded. They said very nice things about the story and the writing but, for a variety of reasons, rejected it. Our last rejection was the best (if you can say such a thing about rejection). To paraphrase: “I love it! Unfortunately, we already have a series that is too similar.” Ah…so close.

Thankfully, we did not recieve this rejection letter!

  • Some editors never responded. Apparently this is to be expected , (as are the rejections – 99% of manuscripts get rejected). Technically, we are waiting to hear back from a few editors but neither Josh nor I are holding our breath.
  • Now the fun part! Josh and me discussed the possibility long ago that we would be rejected. With a 1% chance of getting signed, we figured that was  wise. Initially, I was not excited by the prospect of self-publishing but I conceded that we could at least put out an e-book version because that wouldn’t take too much time (ha ha ha) or money (ha ha ha) and I know  we have a story people will love. Why deprive our future fans?
  • After enough rejections came in, we decided it was  time to start PLAN B and take steps to self-publish.  I thought this would be a sad day, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
  • We discovered that in a few short years the indie e-publishing world has exploded. EXPLODED! You’ve no doubt heard of the “50 Shades of Grey” phenomenon, and you might have also heard of Amanda Hocking , the million dollar baby. Both authors started publishing eBooks independently and both made buckets of money and collected thousands of fans long before the big boys came knocking. Gone are the days when “self published” was synonymous with “not good enough to get signed by a real publisher”. The Internet has put power back in the hands of artists – it is an exciting time to be a writer! To quote the philosopher Dylan, “The times they are a changin’”

What he said!

  • We have started doing all the things a publisher would ordinarily do, (hiring a cover designer, writing blurbs for the front and back of the book, formatting  the text for e-reader platforms, etc). It’s a lot of work but that’s mostly because we’re new at this. We are learning as we work, which is thrilling and frustrating in equal measure. We’re also doing all the other stuff we would have done anyway, (building a website, planning marketing strategies, shamelessly promoting ourselves whenever possible).  Agent Extraordinaire, Morty Mint, is onboard as well and has offered  lots of advice . Sometimes I even follow said advice! Oh, and we’re doing all this with pretty much no budget. Because we love challenges…right?

Right??!!

So here we are, publishing our first novel all by ourselves! We’ve set a tentative launch date for the end of September. The manuscript is ready to go but everything else is still very much “under construction”.  However, because all my Nutters are so special to me, I’m going to give you all a preview  of the book’s back cover blurb. The title of our little epic is Warpworld and one editor described it as a “sci-fi/fantasy mash up”, which  I think is a very cool description. There’s a healthy dose of adventure, a dash of romance, and the seeds of political intrigue that sprout as the series goes on.

There are no vampires. There may be some rough sex.

Oh, so now I have your attention, huh?

Well then, without further ado, the back cover blurb…

How far would you go…

On his first crossing through the warps, Seg discovers a world rich in vita – fuel to save his dying world. Cold, brilliant and desperate to prove himself as a Cultural Theorist, Seg breaks away from the recon squad sent to protect him, to scout out prime vita sources. But to find his prize he must face his biggest fear: water.

Fiery and headstrong, Ama receives an ultimatum from her people’s tyrannical overlords: betray her own kind or give up the boat she calls home, forever.  When a wealthy traveler hires her as a guide, Ama thinks her prayers are answered – until a violent murder reveals Seg’s true identity.

On the run, over land and water, hunted by a ruthless and relentless tracker, and caught in the schemes of a political powerhouse, Seg and Ama will have to strike an uneasy truce to survive.

The fate of two worlds is in their hands.

Oh boy, I can’t wait to read it and find our what happens! Oh…wait…

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

Posted in Indie publishing, On Scribbling, Warpworld | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Confessions of a Middle-Age Housewife

Posted on May 28, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello again from Home!

As the title indicates, I have a confession. A few, actually. Those who know me well, prepare yourselves, this will come as a shock.

Confession #1 – I have learned how to cook.

Oh dear, I can hear the sounds of fainting bodies hitting the floor from here. But, yes, it is true. I’m no Julia Child but I now cook dinner about 70% of the time. This is up from my usual 5%, and those meals were generally made when Prez was out of town, and they consisted of popcorn and/or tinned beans and/or roasted Safeway chicken.

Princess’s earlier cooking attempts

As if this momentous revelation were not enough, I must also tell you that I can even cook some things…(wait for it)…without using a recipe! Nothing fancy, mind you. Unlike the Kozys, Marthas and Becksters of this world, you won’t see me just ‘throwing together’ a pie or anything that complicated. Baby steps.

In fact, I have started following Playing With My Food, the cooking blog of Martha Junior – the effervescent Megan McLeod. Check it out! (So far, the risotto has been my favourite…yum!)

Confession #2 – I have a garden.

Well, this garden wouldn’t exactly sustain Prez and me in an end-of-the-world scenario. When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll be looting 7-11’s like everyone else. However, compared to the days when Martha used to buy me hanging baskets and then would end up watering them for me because I’d always forget, I’ve come a long way.

At this moment I have the following plants and herbs:

7 tomato

4 basil

2 rosemary

2 oregano

Soon to be planted: cilantro and strawberries.

(The above list vaguely reminds me of one of the many strange pizzas I ate while living in Japan way back when.)

What’s happened? (You may ask). Have we woken up in Opposite World? Have alien creatures taken over my brain? Is this some diabolical military experiment run amok?

Nope. I’m having the opposite of a mid-life crisis. This is my mid-life acceptance. Instead of approaching my mid-40’s with a sense of urgency to get out there and see the world, to finally shrug off responsibility and do all those things I’ve always dreamed of doing, I have an overwhelming desire to “settle” for awhile. I want to learn how to make a really good muffin! I want to find the best way to keep slugs off my basil plants! (I’m trying Epsom salts, by the way). I want to be…a housewife!

Yes, a housewife, that’s what I’ve been lately. Prez has been partner/husband extraordinaire these past few years – taking on more and more of the “real work” responsibility so that I can focus on my writing. But now that the novel manuscript is complete and out to publishers (still waiting on that, if you’re wondering) I find myself with actual time on my hands quite often. I still write every day, but I also try to make sure that the house is clean, various chores are done, and there’s a tasty meal on the table when the big fella gets home.

While it all sounds very June Cleaver, and my younger self would have rolled her eyes at me, what I’ve discovered is that marriage isn’t what we’re sold in Harlequin novels and cheesy romantic comedies. It’s a partnership. It’s give and take. It’s recognizing the sacrifices your partner makes and doing your best to return the favour when you can.

In September, Prez and I will sit down and evaluate our situation, and decide what path we will choose to follow next. But until then, you can find me in the kitchen, or the garden.

I’ll be the one with the martini glass in her hand.

(Well, just drunk actually – kids don’t try this at home)

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

Posted in Hobbies, Humour and satire | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Not Enough Pie

Posted on April 12, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello again from Home!

Spring has reluctantly gotten out of bed. With disheveled hair and eyes half closed, she is trudging to the kitchen to pour a coffee and contemplate the long day ahead.

Spring’s To-Do list:

1. Remove snow from tennis court before Prez goes insane.
2. Heat lake water up enough that swimmers can venture in for at least five minutes before succumbing to hypothermia.
3. Open the Dairy Queen so that Princess may once again enjoy chocolate dipped cones.

Well, those are the priorities, as far as I’m concerned.

For me, spring is also the season of green. Green as in money. As in, grant money.

Let me back up here…

In the fall of 2011, I was invited to join the organizing committee for the Kootenay Literary Competition. I had been part of the competition in the past – as an entrant and then as a judge – so I was pleased to roll up my sleeves and help out behind the scenes. My learning curve was steep but apparently I made enough of an impression to be elected as Committee Chair before the end of the year. And despite a shoestring budget and a serious lack of time, planning and manpower, we pulled off a very successful event.

Of all the lessons I’ve learned from this endeavor, so far, perhaps the greatest is how woefully underfunded the arts are in this province. In 2009, the Liberal government slashed the arts budget by 81%. And the level of funding continues to drop.

Now you may be asking, “Who cares?”

Well, if you watch TV or movies; read books, newspapers or magazines; enjoy the latest fashions; hang some kind of decorations on your walls; listen to music; or have children with a flair for the creative, you should care. Art is all around you. This Coconut Chronicle is art…believe it or not. You may not realize how much art enriches your life but, trust me, it does. What a grey and sad world this would be without these myriad forms of human expression.

On Tuesday evening, I attended a special city council meeting. Over 50 community organizations were represented, and each had two minutes to plead their case for a chunk of the Columbia Basin Trust grant money pie. To give you an idea of what that pie looks like, there is a total of $126,445.23 of available grant money, (35% of that is allotted to arts, culture and heritage). To give you an idea of what the field of pie-seekers looks like, the amount of money being requested is over $265,000, (the arts, culture and heritage sector accounts for over $60,000 of that total).

Or, if you prefer a visual example, here’s a video of my speech at the council meeting:

I’m a writer not a mathematician but I had a friend consult some charts…

Hmmm, pie x pie seekers divided by…

…and I can tell you that a lot of people will be going home pie-less.

The Kootenay Literary Competition committee has applied for three grants and we will know the fate of all by the end of May. The sad part is that, while I have practically broken my fingers from crossing them so hard, I also want all the other applicants to succeed as well. There are so many worthy projects out there, (such as the Elephant Mountain Literary Festival…yay!), it’s painful to see us all begging for crumbs.

But beg I will, damnit. A big part of the reason I have come as far with my writing as I have is because of the competitions I have entered. They forced me to set deadlines, to ruthlessly edit my work, and to bring my craft up to a higher level. Those prizes may not have been much, but they were something. They were at least some reward, some goal to aim for. If I can give that to other writers, I will. The Kootenays have been good to me and my little scribbles, and I intend to repay the favour.

So Spring, now that you’ve had a stiff cup of Joe, it’s time to get to work. Be kind and remember that you too are a work of art.

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!
The Princess

p.s. For those of you who are wondering, the manuscript is still out there, wandering the streets of NYC, looking for a home. So don’t uncross those fingers just yet!

p.p.s This is my 200th Chronicle! Well, my 200th Internet Chronicle, but a landmark nonetheless. HAPPY 200th COCONUT CHRONICLES!! And thanks to you die-hard Nutters out there who have stuck with me, and those gumballs that fall out of my cranium, for almost a decade. SMOOCHES!

Posted in Entertainment, Nelson - British Columbia, On Scribbling | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

The Belt Tightens

Posted on March 2, 2012 by clubfredbaja

Hello again from Home!

Mom, get out your eraser, we’re moving again. We’ll still be hanging our toques in Nelson but after recovering from the heart attack that was our last power bill, (thank you Nelson winter!!), we’ve finally decided it’s time to downsize.

Princess receives the latest Nelson Power bill

Truthfully, as experienced as I’ve become at packing those Rubbermaid containers and making lists of folks to contact with address changes, the thought of moving again makes me weary. But…money. Yep, that’s the bottom line these days.

Like many other Kootenayans, we find ourselves in a strange spot. We came here for the ‘lifestyle’ – the laid back, mountain/lake, quasi-hippie, arts friendly, restaurant rich, entrepreneurial, outdoor enthusiast culture. The problem is, there’s not much work here and, consequently, we really can’t indulge in many of the perks that attracted us to this corner of the wilderness. Oh sure, we can walk down Baker Street and read the menus of all those great, independently owned restaurants…but we can’t afford to eat in them more than twice a year.

And then comes the dilemma…

Move back to a city, where there’s more opportunity and money to be made but also all those things we ran away from: traffic, pollution, crime, lack of green space, lack of parking, stress and hurry, friends who live too far away to see regularly, and just a feeling of claustrophobia among the masses.

Or…

Stay and accept both our tightened belts and the limited opportunities to change the situation.

Recently I joined up with a couple of friends here in a sort of ersatz support group. We get together for coffee a few times a month – occasions we’ve dubbed the IDO, “Introverts Day Out” – and rant about life in the Nelson bubble.

“Nelson…where ambition comes to die!”

These casual bitch fests have been invaluable to me over the past few months, as winter holds us in its icy grip. Sadly, they also remind me of exactly why I came here. You see, I like that I live in a place where good friends, and lots of them, are only five minutes away. I like that when I’m feeling down, I know there are people nearby who I can call on if I have a frown that needs inverting.

So, for now at least, Prez and I will downsize, give up steak for Ramen Noodles, and keep the dream alive.

QUESTION: What do you do when you’re blue?

Until next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

Posted in Life, Nelson - British Columbia | Tagged , , | 2 Comments