18 Things No One Told Me About Being an Adult

Kris eats spagetti

I don’t know if this is a list of things I wish someone had told me when I was young or if people told me these things and I didn’t listen.

Or maybe it’s a list of things about being an adult that I’m really quite glad no one told me when I was young and/or I didn’t listen to when they told me.

  1. Adult life contains a lot of paperwork. Like…A LOT. More than anyone ever wants. Short of running off into the woods to live like a hermit, there is no escape from this.
  2. There is no “right” way to do anything.
  3. Even though there is no “right” way to do anything, there are expected ways to do things and, if you mess them up, sometimes your mistake can follow you through the rest of your life. See also: paperwork, adult life contains a lot of.
  4. Your body will break down in ways you can’t even imagine. Remember that time you complained that your back was sore when you were twenty-one? HA HA HA HA HA AHAHAHAHA!
  5. You will grow up to bitch about the younger generation just like the older generation bitched about your generation. (They will resent it as much as you did).
  6. You will forget all about how much it sucked to be told what to eat, when to go to bed, what to wear, and where you could and could not go when you were a kid. You will only remember all that time you had to play and goof off and that there was no paperwork.
  7. Every time you think you have things figured out, some crazy thing will happen that will strip you of your certainty.
  8. That thing you absolutely MUST see/do/buy/experience or you will DIE? Nah, you’ll be okay.
  9. Sleep is awesome!
  10. Whatever you do, whichever road you choose, some people will think you are smart and some people will think you’re an idiot. Sometimes they will all be right at the same time.
  11. You will watch people of minimal skill and less talent succeed wildly. You will watch brilliant people struggle and fail. Life, honestly and truly, is not fair.
  12. Kindness is rarely a bad idea.
  13. Sometimes the only way to be kind in the big picture requires that you hurt someone in the small picture.
  14. The perfect people who seem to have it all and know exactly what they are doing…don’t. Everyone has a weakness you can’t see, a darkness you may never know, or a secret that haunts them. Perfect is a lie.
  15. Working hard at something you love is satisfying right down to the core of your soul, even if you never make a dime at it. But debt can squash your soul like a bug.
  16. At some point, it stops being your parents’ fault and starts being yours. That point comes much earlier than you think it does.
  17. Everything that matters most is inside you.
  18. You need to floss more often.
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