How can I look as amazing as you?

This is the one question I imagine other writers are too nervous to ask me.

I don’t like to brag about my personal style but it occurred to me recently that I actually have one and I owe it to the writing community and the world to share my secrets. Sure, I’m no Gail Carriger, that retro fashion icon of the literary world. (The only time I wear gloves and a hat is when I’m fending off frostbite). Likewise, on a flight, dapper chap and author Alistair Kimble would ask to be moved to economy if he found himself seated next to me in business class. No, my style is my own, rooted in a deep and profound dislike of shopping, and driven by a desire to never iron anything.

I mean never. NEVER.

Writers, what I’m about to show you is one outfit versatile enough to take you from morning to night and back to morning again! Indoors or outdoors, this simple yet elegant ensemble screams I AM A WRITER! OH GOD HELP ME, I AM A WRITER! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!

So, let’s start with the basic look, shall we?

Kristene Perron Winter Collection 2013

Nothing says “I’m ready to sit in one place for eight hours watching my Twitter feed making words appear on a screen and eating too much chocolate” like fleece and cotton!

What I like about this look is that I can literally roll out of bed and I’m ready to go!

Another important feature is the logo on the t-shirt. First, it has words so, clearly, I can read. It also tells the world something about me–in this case, my love for cupcakes. This is called “branding”.

Finally, the cotton is breathable. An important consideration when you wear the same clothes for 48 consecutive hours.

Shirt: David and Goliath

Pants: WalMart

Thesaurus: Jarvis Elementary School Library Assistant Award

Now, I know what you’re thinking. But Kristene, what if I need to stand up and go outside to buy more chocolate?

Don’t worry, imaginary writer person, I’ve got you covered!

Though, sadly, chocolate is not self-generating, that mad dash across Front Street to Safeway where you hope you won’t run into anyone you know but you probably will because you live in a town with a population of only 10,000 people doesn’t need to be a chore.

With the simple addition of a matching puffy coat and playful toque, those Safeway shoppers will think, Wow, she really knows how to not get frostbite! She’s smart! I bet she’s a writer!

Coat: WalMart (What? We don’t have a lot of choices here!)

Toque: Mark’s Work Wearhouse

Book: Guilt-induced purchase at the 2008 Surrey International Writer’s Conference.

But what about writers who have other jobs? Jobs that involve speaking at other humans and pretending that you really enjoy graphs and wouldn’t rather be home watching episodes of Dr. Who?

Well, this is where we learn about the magic of accessories!

If comic books have taught us anything, it’s that super heroes, like writers, need a secret identity and this is best achieved through the clever use of glasses.

Pick up a pair of specs and unleash your inner Clark Kent!

Glasses: Warby Parker

Accessories can also transform this no-nonsense business look to a flirty and fun evening ensemble.

It only takes a festive scarf and 10 to 24 ounces of alcohol to turn any outfit into a chic party dress.

You’ll be the talk of the office holiday party!

“Who is that person? Did Phil invite her? She smells like old chocolate and tears.”

Scarf: Salvation Army

Gin: Liquor store next to Safeway

Of course, no fashion blog post would be complete without the worst case scenario outfit. For example, you’re sitting on your ugly floral couch and suddenly find yourself sucked into a space time vortex thingy and BAM…you’re in the middle of a battle with shields and arrows and things exploding!

Fashion emergency? I think not.

Look out Glen! They’re coming to take our chocolate!

The pen is mightier than the sword? Not when you’re fighting space time vortex thingy warriors with your sidekick, Glen the Bored Viking-ish Person, at your side it ain’t!

YOU CAN TAKE AWAY MY SEMICOLONS BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY FREEDOM!!!

Club and helmet: *indecipherable mumbling*

I hope you have enjoyed this little peek behind the curtains at my fashion awesomeness. Remember to always ask these three critical questions when choosing your writer’s wardrobe:

1. Will too many people mistake me for a hobo?

2. How easily does vomit wash out of this fabric?

3. Does the store’s return policy include unintentional damage due to space time vortex thingy travel?

Until next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy, lovin’ life and looking faaaaahhhbulous!

Kristene