Traveling at the Speed of Prez

Hello
again from Mountain Mecca & Hippie Heaven!

Some of
you may know Prez’s other nickname, “Fast Freddy”. (See also: Freaker Freddy,
Full-On Freddy, Energizer Bunny on Steroids, etc.). This name was given to him
because…oh come on; I don’t really
have to explain it, do I?

There’s
an episode of Star Trek (yes, here we go again) where Capt. Kirk somehow gets
transmogrified with a fly (I think, and, yes, I may have made that word up) and
suddenly he is moving so fast that the rest of the crew appear to him to be
standing still – frozen in place. I imagine that’s how we all must appear to
Prez. 

I’m not
a particularly fast person by nature but living with my husband I have
developed different gears. When we shop together, as an example, I have to curb
my ‘wandering’ tendencies. Prez, you see, is not just fast, he is also
efficient. If he could, I’m sure he would have us review a grocery store ‘plan
of attack’ the night before to maximize shopping/per minute.

Prez: “Quadrant 1 is Fruits and Veggies. Here we will
spend no more than 2.17 minutes to acquire the following: bananas, apples,
broccoli, and tomatoes. Ignore the bright displays and don’t even think about
going near the organic section. Now on to Quadrant—

Princess:
Ooooo, can we buy a starfruit this week?
Prez: “What the bloody hell is a starfruit?
Princess:
Umm, well, I saw it on a TV show, a
cooking show, and they were
—“
Prez: “You don’t even know what it is, do you??
Princess:
Well… it’s shaped like a star.
Prez: “Moving on, Quadrant 2 is…

Grocery
shopping has always been a sore point between us. We have been able to strike a
balance in almost every arena of our life together, except for the grocery
store. As a result, we end up going it alone most of the time. Prez zooms out
and is back within an hour, with a minimum of bags filled with mostly practical
foods he has priced out for the best bargain. My trips to the grocery store can
turn into small vacations. Prez occasionally finds a postcard in the mail:
“Dear Prez, Having a wonderful time in the canned goods section of Save On,
wish you were here!”

The
truth is, I’m easily distracted. Walking down the canned foods aisle my
thoughts might go something like this: ‘Hmmm,
green beans. I wonder if I should buy a can of green beans? No. I always hated
them as a child. What is it with vegetables in cans? Disgusting really. Oooo,
these ones have bits of mango in them, though. That could be good. I sure miss
mangos. The mangos in Costa Rica were delicious, so full of flavour. What was
the name of that bridge we crossed on the way back from Panama when we bought
those mangos? Oh damn, it’s on the tip of my tongue. I wonder…oh look, canned
beets! Those always remind me of Xmas…”
and on and on it goes.

When I
finally return home, I’m sure Prez must be in a state of agitation wondering
what exotic goodies he will find in my bags.
Prez: “Tinned green beans with mango? When the hell
are we ever going to eat that!?

Princess:
Ummm, well, remember in Costa Rica when
we…

Relationships
are all about adjustment though, aren’t they? Prez has learned to accept,
however grudgingly, my culinary oddities and I have learned to speed up. I can
now shower, dress, and coiff myself in roughly the time it takes the average
person to sneeze. It wasn’t an easy learning process. I can distinctly
remember, more than once, stepping out of the shower, dripping wet, in
preparation for a night out somewhere and Prez yelling up to me from the front
door, “I’ll be in the truck.” The
good news is if there is ever some kind of national emergency and we have to
flee our homes on very short notice, I will be the only refugee who’s freshly
showered, eaten a full meal, and has written off a few dozen emails to friends
before leaving.

The down
side to life in the Prez lane is that you get used to it. And that’s fine, when
it’s just the two of us. When you have to deal with the rest of the world,
things get a bit trickier. How many camping trips have I been woken at dark
o’clock, flung into the madness of packing and prepping – “Breakfast? We don’t have time for breakfast! Let’s go!! Let’s go!!!
– only to arrive at the home of our camping buddies who have only just rolled
out of bed. “We’ll be ready ion a minute!
We just have to shower, do our laundry, pack, make eggs and pancakes, write a
few emails, clean the house, and bake a lasagna to take with us.
” And there
we sit, for the next two hours – Prez tapping his feet, me glaring at him while
my stomach growls in complete sentences.

How many????

And
Prez’s fastness is often mistaken for rudeness. Believe me; he isn’t trying to
be disrespectful. The small talk and pleasantries so many of us are used to
simply take up too much of his precious time. The staff of our local building
supply store must cringe when they see our red truck wheeling into the parking
lot. To be fair – aren’t I always fair – it’s not Prez’s fault. Most of the
folks working the front desk are…ummm…not as fast or knowledgeable as they
should be (was that kind enough?). The lumber yard guys are good; Prez trained
them up quite quickly and a case of beer at Xmas doesn’t hurt. Front desk
is…yeah, like I said, not so fast. And the guys in the yard are likely on
crack.

So,
anyway, the procedure for getting stuff from the yard (such as bags of cement,
drywall, flashing, etc.) is supposed to be this: You go inside, order and pay
for all the items at the front desk. Then, you go out to the yard, give the
nice young man the yellow copy of your receipt, and he loads up all the items
into your truck. Uh huh. It’s a great idea, except half the time the front desk
people have no clue what item you’re asking for, or what the code is, or if
it’s in stock, etc. etc. Then you actually have to find a yard guy. And he has to put down his crack pipe to search
for your items, so it isn’t a very speedy process. Nor is he going to care if
said items are bent, dented, or otherwise messed up.

Here’s
our new system: We drive to the yard and find all the items we need (noting the
sku’s and codes), load them into our truck, go to the front desk and give them
a list of what we have. Bypassing the yard guys probably shaves at least 15
minutes off our time. Now, if we could only figure out how to bypass the front
desk, too. Hmmmmm.

But
speed has worked in Prez’s favour here in Nelson. You may have heard the
expression “Mexican Time” referring to the slow pace at which things get done
in Mexico, well, there is also “Kootenay Time” which is slightly faster than
Mexican Time and near lightspeed compared to “Bahamian Time”, but still significantly
slower than “Prez Time”. One client was amazed that we; a) showed up so
quickly, b) showed up, c) actually completed the job in the time frame we said
we would, and d) knew what the heck we were doing.

Well,
all you really have to tell people here is that you just moved up from the
city. “Oh, from the city you say? Can you
start today?
” They immeadiately want to hire you before you are sucked into
the vortex of the laid-back Kootenay lifestyle.

Now that
the sun is shining, Prez is even more revved up. Yesterday I cut out an ad for
the local tennis club and left it on his desk – I think I actually heard a tiny
part of his brain pop into life. It isn’t the ocean, we’re not in bathing suits
(yet), and mornings we still have to dress as if we are about to trek to the
Antarctic, but spring is here and life is beginning to bloom! Not fast enough
for Prez, I am sure, but then, nothing ever is!

Hoppy
Bunny Day everyone! Have a wonderful weekend and a VERY happy birthday to
Titanium Chef Kozy, who we miss lots and lots!

QUESTION:
What is your speed?

Until
next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The
Princess

p.s. –
I’m going to try to put a video on here, not sure how successful I’ll be but
it’s quite funny – be patient, hang in for the cat bit at the end.

p.p.s –
There’s a new photo album from Baja & 29 Palms, check it out!

 

This entry was posted in Life. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Traveling at the Speed of Prez

  1. Cindy says:

    What speed am I?  Hmmm … whatever rate I\’m going feels like I\’m always one step behind ….
     

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