You’ve Never Been 23

Hello again from Home!

Ah to be young! To come home on Friday, after a grueling week at a meaningless job and celebrate the fact you now have two whole days to annoy your upstairs neighbours and keep them awake into the wee hours of the morning.

And when your upstairs neighbours come downstairs at 3am, dressed in their pajamas, bags under their middle-aged eyes, you can look at them with pity and say, “You’ve never been 23.”

Yes! You’re 23 and they’re not and never have been!


I mean, hell, if they had ever been 23 then they would know that anyone under the age of 25 has an innate right, (if not a strictly legal one), to play their music as loud as they want, whenever they want. Duh.

How glorious to be 23, you’d think, as you and your friends – all of whom are, have been or will one day be 23 – guzzle hooch, let out mighty cries of “Whoooooo!!!” and crash into stationary objects with abandon.

And when the police knock at your door because half the neighbourhood has complained about the noise from your rental suite, you can say, “Ah, but officer, I am 23 and they are not and never have been.”

The police officer’s eyes will open wide in surprise, “You are 23? Goodness, I had no idea! I’m so sorry, please, carry on. We who are not 23 should respect your need to party. Here take this bottle of tequila and this bag of weed, with my sincere apologies.”

What on earth is better than being 23? Nothing. After all, the laws of physics state that the earth, perhaps even the universe, revolves around people who are 23. Sadly, some people missed this science lesson and they mistakenly believe that everyone, regardless of their age, deserves the same level of respect. These misguided souls actually think that if they live in a suite above the suite of a 23-year-old, and they pay the same rent as the 23-year-old, that the rules – such as being quiet after 11pm – should be exactly the same for the 23-year-old as they are for them.

Naïve fools. Cleary they have never been 23.

But the best part of being 23? Well, that’s easy. Even if a year goes by, and the stupid people upstairs have complained over and over to the landlord, and to you, about being kept awake or woken in the night, and they have never woken you up or violated the rules of their tenancy, you don’t have to care about it. And you certainly don’t have to change your ways or make any effort to be considerate. That’s your right.

Because you are 23 and they are not and never have been.

Until next time, I hope this finds you healthy, happy and lovin’ life – especially if you’re 23!
The Princess
I am 23

This entry was posted in Humour and satire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to You’ve Never Been 23

  1. Pingback: My Side of the Canyon: On age, youth, and the gap between | The Coconut Chronicles

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