Blizzards, Babies, and Bears…oh my!

Hello from Polar Bear Heaven and Penguin Mecca!

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any colder, an arctic cold front moves in. This has been a white, weird & wonderful week. And it began with an unexpected phone call…

7:30 a.m. – Princess and Prez are sound asleep. The phone rings.

Princess: “Hello?”

Voice: “Good morning Aunty Kris.”

Princess: “Deb? What the…? What’s going on?”

Deb: “How you doing Aunty Kris?”

Princess: “Aunty? Aunty! Oh my god, are you pregnant!”

Yes, my chocolate sista is with child! Some history is in order here. You see, Deb Mac and I have been friends coming up on about ten years now and through all of those years I could tell you what season it was by a certain phone call. “Kristene, I want a baby. I think we might seriously try this time!” = Spring and, “Girl, I don’t know what came over me, I am definitely not getting pregnant ever again!” = Fall.

At first, the “I want a baby” phone calls brought me to a state of panic – I was going to lose my friend to a small, diaper wearing parasite. But eventually I came to accept these calls as a kind of signal that the seasons were changing and nothing more. So, you can imagine my shock when the event actually occurred! I am thrilled for Deb and family and will do anything to help out – except diapers. I am very proud of the fact that I have never, ever changed a diaper in my life and never will!! 

Congrats Macs!!

After the phone call, I figured I might as well wake up and check emails. There was an email from another good friend – EB (eastern not western, there are 2 EB’s in our life) – who we haven’t heard from in a long time, telling us that he and wife Angie-Poo have bought a piece of land in Newfoundland and they’re building a log cabin on it (?!?). 

What happened? Did someone mess around with my entire universe while I was sleeping or something? This week was beginning on some very strange notes.

Then there’s the matter of our very-beary friend – Choco. We’re not sure if Choco’s a young grizzly or a large, full-grown brown bear, but he loves our back yard. He managed to break into our garbage once so we’ve kept it locked up tight since, but that didn’t stop him from pilfering one of the neighbour’s cans and dragging the bag over to have a little buffet in his favorite picnic spot. Prez had some very nasty words for Choco as he cleaned up the dirty diapers scattered around! Next was our beloved bird feeder which he pulled down and sucked all the seeds from. And just to add insult to injury, he busted into our storage shed where the bird seed is stored, dragged the Rubbermaid container to his picnic spot, and ate it all up while Prez and I watched helplessly. (We tried loud noises – if Choco could laugh, he would have). Oh ya, when he finished off the contents of the Rubbermaid, he yanked the bird feeder down and ran away with it. 

Well, Choco will be sorry when 30 hungry chickadees come looking for him! 

This week was also the first week our local uni-plex theater was playing anything we were even remotely interested in seeing. So we got us all gussied up and went to have us a gander at the new 007!

There’s a great line from the TV series “Firefly”, (have you seen it? Oh my god it’s good! Why oh why did it ever get cancelled? Best TV show in years!!), this line talks about a “special kind of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in theaters”. In retrospect, I suppose I was a tad naïve, but I kind of believed that the days of people talking in the theater were gone…not the case in Nelson. Everyone talks in the theater here, no kidding, everyone. People probably call each other up and say stuff like, “Hey George, it’s been so long since we’ve talked, why don’t we go catch a movie and get caught up?” 

Now, I’m not a complete cinematic Nazi, I understand that sometimes you want to share a comment about the film or ask a question about the plot, but please do so in a whisper and keep it brief – is that too much to ask?? The new Bond film may have been good, I’m not entirely sure because it sounded like this to me: “The name’s – Oh  my god, I saw Janie the other day her hair looks really cool now – Bond – let’s go shopping tomorrow, I get paid and I saw this really cool thing – James – have you got your ski pass yet – Bond.”  AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

And to cap off the week, we started a new job which has proved to be quite “challenging” thanks to the weather. Rather than tell you about it, I’ve immortalized our struggle in a little poem I call… 

The Ballad of the Blizzard Fence

 

Prez was a man with a heckuva plan

to build a gargantuan wall.

It would have been great if the season were late

spring, summer or even the fall

 

At 80 feet long, the design would be strong,

Rising 9 feet from the ground.

It would block out the sky, yes, it would be that high,

and admired by most all around!

 

As we planted the posts the clouds were morose,

Preparing for weather most foul.

The snow it came down and made not a sound,

But Prez was beginning to howl.

 

The snow fell all day ‘til we went away,

Vowing we’d never be beat.

The next day, the same – the snow came and came,

And it froze us from fingers to feet.

 

With white in his hair and blood in his stare,

Prez cursed as he nailed and he screwed.

The princess was chilly and thought this was silly,

But, hey, what the heck can you do?

 

The swear words they flew, the snow it did too,

On day three as the blizzard still flurried.

The fence was unfinished, but our hopes had diminished

So we drank till the world it was blurried.

 

Who will prevail, the Prez or the gale?

It’s a question I’m fearful to pose.

All I know is it’s funny, our lives may be sunny,

But boy when it rains it sure…snows?!

 

The irony of this tale is that last night we watched the Al Gore film, “An Inconvenient Truth”, about global warming. Mmmmmm, warming, Princess likes warming. 

But seriously, you all must swear to me that you will see this movie (if you haven’t already). You don’t have to like what you hear, but it sure sheds light on the whole global warming controversy. I came away with a new respect for Al Gore, I’ll bet many people did – too bad this movie didn’t come out 6 years ago!

Well, I’ve just about thawed so I think I’ll call it a night. But not before I say “Hello!” and “We miss you!” to ClubFred members, like EB and Angie-Poo, The Baneys, Lewis’s and Tonetti’s, who we may not have seen or talked to in awhile but think about all the time! 

Until next week, I hope this finds you all healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

The Princess

 

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