Hello from a Kozy place!
Slap my fingers for being so tardy! I’m sick again. Can you
believe it? It seems like just yesterday that I recovered from the Malaysian
Wombat Hack Your Lungs Up Flu and mere days within arriving back in BC I am
struck down by the Canadian Bowel-Twisting Mega-Nausea Super Tired Virus. Ugh.
Poor Prez, if his wife isn’t burping, farting, coughing, locked in the bathroom
for hours, or curled up in a ball writhing in pain, she is asleep. What a
trooper. Gold Stars for the Prez!
Oh yes, you may have noticed that I mentioned we are back in
BC. Vegas. Tee Hee. Oops. Thankfully what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
No it didn’t work out as planned, but then, what usually
does? The trip north was largely uneventful except for the truck completely
dying in the middle of the desert. Luckily I am married to MacGyver – more gold
stars for Prez. We were welcomed home, yet again, by the ever patient and
hospitable Martha & Patty-Cakes Roney. And now we have been granted
temporary tenant status in Zone 5 of the lower wing of the Kozak mansion by our
dear friends the Culinarily Cunning Kozy and the Technologically Talented
Tweeter. Muchas Gracias a todos nos amigos!
So here we are, long past Plan B, probably approaching Plan
A wise Austrian woman once said to me: “If you think you love someone and you want to be sure, ask yourself if
you would be willing to care for them every day for the rest of your life if,
for example, they became a paraplegic or came down with a serious illness”.
The trick to this question is to answer it honestly. Most of us, in the
throes of passion, would immediately say, “Of
course I would care for him/her for the rest of my life!” without realizing
exactly how much of a commitment that would be. Let’s face it; I can barely
live with myself with the flu for a few weeks!
Now, the Prez and I did not have a traditional wedding
(**please note** I am not, repeat not
criticizing traditional weddings. Traditional weddings are great! If you had a
traditional wedding, I’m sure it was marvelous and if I was there I’m sure it
was the best wedding I’ve ever been too. There, I think I covered my butt this
time.)…now where was I? Oh yes, the vows. Now despite the fact that our
non-traditional vows did not include the whole “for richer or for poorer, in
sickness and in health” bit it is still a statement that I feel applies to all
marriages. If you are not prepared to stick it out when the external stuff gets
ugly, when life throws you one of the many, many curve balls it likes to throw,
then cut your losses, cancel the hall and the DJ, and stick to serial monogamy.
In our nearly eight years together, the Prez and I have had
more ups and downs than a Cancun hotel room during
Spring Break. I know that my many mysterious maladies over the past three years
have driven him around the bend. I’ll never forget the look on his face the
first time I had a full blown endometrial melt down. We were in Mexico,
half an hour from the nearest hospital and no guarantees that they could help
me once I got there. If not for the Tylenol-3’s and Oxycocets we were able to
hoard from prior injuries, I don’t know what I would have done. But even with a
belly full of pain killers, I was on all fours barely able to breathe through
the pain. The helplessness I saw in Prez’s eyes was worse, though, than any
physical suffering. It is a look I have come to know far too well.
Three years in various states of discomfort, sickness &
pain have taken their toll as much on Prez as on me – perhaps more so. The
frustrating part is that I’m a pretty health conscious person. I don’t smoke, I
exercise, I eat well, and I keep the martinis to a minimum (oh sweet
life-giving fluid!) and still I seem to get hit with every virus within a
hundred miles, and get hit HARD. It’s as if my immune system went out for a
newspaper in 2003 and just never came back. It’s to the point where I dread
saying those four little words to Prez – “I
don’t feel well”.
But, get your gold stars ready, he’s hanging in there, being
as kind and helpful as possible while secretly wishing (I am sure) that we had
one of those Star Trek thingys that you scan up and down the persons body a few
times and it tells you exactly what’s wrong with them and how to fix it.
So we’re in the sickness
part of the “in sickness and in health” vow.
We also happen to be in the poorer part of “richer or poorer” vow.
See, things almost never turn out the way you expect them
When I say “poorer” that’s pretty relative. We are still
very wealthy, and very lucky, compared to the rest of the world, we’re just not
living at the standard we thought we’d be. The worst part is not doing without;
the worst part is having to rely on friends for help. As it turns out, the best
return we’ve gotten on any investment over the years is with our friends. They
have come to our rescue in so many ways it will take a lifetime to repay them.
We are so thankful everyday for the people we love. But it’s still hard, when
you’re used to being the one who hosts the parties, the one who puts up guests
in the spare room, the one who buys the gifts and pays for dinner, it’s hard to
ask for help. And although I know we would do the same, and more, for any of
our friends in a heart beat, I can’t help feeling that we’ve let them all down,
that we’re a disappointment.
I know the Prez and I are feeling pretty low right now,
about as low as we’ve ever felt. Even as we take the steps to rebuild our life,
constantly reminding ourselves that others have come back from much worse,
there is a kind of melancholy in the air. Every now and then I’ll notice that
we’re both just staring out into the distance, lost in our thoughts, and I’ll
think, well, at least we have each other.
That’s the great thing about real love, that’s the reason
those rich/poor/sick/health vows were ever written, at the end of the day what
matters is that no matter what you have gained or lost you hang onto each
I love my husband beyond words. Sick, healthy, rich, poor,
whatever. As long as we have each other, we have everything we need.
In the silence of this
I listen only to your breath
and in that second of a shooting star
somehow it all makes sense.
And I want all the world to know
that your love’s all I need
all that I need
and if we’re lost
then we are lost together
–Blue Rodeo “Lost
Until next week, I hope this finds you healthy, happy &
lovin life…no matter what it throws at you!