Will Work for Teeth

Hello again from a Kozy place!

Have you ever had that awful moment when you’re eating something soft, like licorice for example, and suddenly, CRUNCH, you bite down on something hard? Ucky. It’s even uckier when you realize that the thing you just crunched down on is a tooth…your tooth. That’s precisely what happened to The Prez not long ago, poor guy. It seems that, just like London, his bridge was falling down. Then breaking off. Mid licorice. I say again…ucky.

What did people do before dentists? I mean, did our teeth just rot and fall out of our heads? Picture a fancy dress dinner, with servants and tapestries and all that. One of the gentle ladies takes a sip of wine and, plop, in drops a bicuspid (not sure of the spelling, too lazy to look it up, not even sure if that is a tooth term). “Oh heavens!” she exclaims as a servant rushes to remove the offensive cocktail from the table while the other guests cast disapproving looks at one another.

And what kind of illicit drug was the guy doing who came up with the whole ‘tooth fairy’ myth? Money for body parts, that’s what it’s really all about. Is there a finger fairy? Like say for example I cut off my finger in a freak fencing accident, is there a little sprite out there waiting to collect the severed finger from beneath my pillow? What kind of dough can I expect for a severed finger? We used to get dimes and possibly quarters from the tooth fairy. I’m sure nowadays kids get iPods and diamond jewelry for their teeth. Yes, I’m a tad bitter.

Come to think of it, my teeth paint quite a picture of me. Not literally. My teeth cannot paint, although that would be a bloody good party trick. What I mean is that the history of my teeth is a good representation of my history in general.

There were the ‘early years’, where I didn’t seem to stress about anything – even a trip to the dentist to get a cavity filled. Of course, years later my mom would confess that the orange stuff in the cup that they gave me to drink before each appointment was not, in fact, orange juice, but a mild sedative. Kind of takes the innocence out of childhood doesn’t it?

Then came my rough and tumble phase. Well ‘rough tumble’ would be more accurate. I never did quite perfect my jumps on the ski hill. Teeth meet ski pole, ski pole meet teeth.

With success in stunts came – Full Dental Insurance!! Be gone hideous silver fillings! Sure the white fillings cost more, as does the optional laughing gas, but damn it, I’m worth it! Hell, white fillings for everyone, my treat!

And now? Well aside from my obsessive-compulsive brushing which periodically threatens the harmony of my marriage, all is mostly quiet on the toothy front. There is the matter, however, of a veneer that needs replacing; it’s just hard to justify cosmetic dentistry at this point in time. But, that’s where our new motto – “Will work for teeth!” – comes in handy.

Turns out our dentist needed a whack of handyman work done around his house. So we smashed, screwed, mudded, tiled, cemented and grouted our way to Prez’s new crown! Mr. & Mrs. Dentist seemed pleased with our work and Prez can chew again. Win-win. Now all we need to do is seek out a needy dentist in Nelson and before the year’s out we could both have Osmond family smiles.

Now if only I could figure out the same sort of deal with the local chocolatier…hmmmm…

Well, today’s a short one as we’re packing our gack for the trip east. The next Chronicle will be from Nelson and it will come with photos as I finally replaced my broken camera (yippee!). Mil gracias to Kozy & Tweeter for putting us up in sector seven of the Kozak mansion and plying us with wine and food. Did we win the friend lottery or what?!

Until next week, I hope this finds everyone healthy, happy & lovin’ life!

Crikey we miss you Steve. Mourning the Croc Hunter.

The Princess




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1 Response to Will Work for Teeth

  1. Unknown says:

    Oh you lucky girl, you are about to experience Nelson Chocolates.  They are divine….er… fit for a princess as it were.
        Money for body parts?  Yes, it comes from the WCB fairy!  Also, don\’t forget those lovely insurance brochures that every school child takes home in September:  100k for an arm, 30k for an eye etc…  that must be the tooth fairy\’s day job. 
    😉 La

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